By now, you’ve probably heard about Kyle Rittenhouse’s $22 million verdict. He won a settlement agreement that includes a formal apology and now, thanks to an Obama-appointed federal magistrate, he also won the appeal. After the show settled, Whoopi Goldberg filed the appeal, as she’s also named in the suit.
Rittenhouse’s layer, Joe Barron, Esq, says his client is relieved that what was once just an internet rumor, fact-checked and debunked several times, is now a reality. “Kyle is ecstatic, said Barron, “he’s already planning to build a base camp for 2nd Amendment enthusiasts in Montana.”
We reached out to ABC, who told us to talk to Whoopi personally since they’ve already agreed to do whatever the court decides. Goldberg hasn’t returned one of our calls or emails since 2017, when we first discovered her value as tater bait. She told us then that she “wasn’t going to give us the satisfaction of responding to assholes.” Which we should take personally but don’t. Her position is hers and as journalisticators, we respect that.
Goldberg’s attorney, Art Tubolls, said in a statement that she’ll happily pay the young man “when pigs fly forth from her ass.” There’s no way to know if she was being literal. Barron said that if she decides not to pay they’ll just put a lean on her property and her joint ownership of the Cleveland Cavaliers with Lebron James.
We’ll keep you updated on this developing story, patriots. God bless America.